Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
