I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They have beer where we have blood.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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