his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's never too late to be topless.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
