ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize