...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
