evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
