Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
