he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
