Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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