I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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