you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
