2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
