just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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