Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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