My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
