she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
