I can tuck mytits in my pants
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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