pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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