the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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