I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
