when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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