i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
