she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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