Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
