i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
