Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize