Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
