Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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