you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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