I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
