yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
