Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
