All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
whose parrot is this?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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