Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
