I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
