The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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