New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
how does that bad decision feel?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
