Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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