He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
