You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
