Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
