well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
