The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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