I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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