You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
