I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
