A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
