took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
