Pregnant stripper...not hot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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