i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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