she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
