Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
