Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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