Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
