ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
