Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
