I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
