i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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