If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
