Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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