I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
