He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
