At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
