I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
