Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
