Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
