My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is the high leading the old right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
