i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
