Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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