you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
