my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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